‘Tis better…

It turns out that gift-giving did not begin with Hallmark or the retail industry, but rather with the Universal principle of give and take energy. We’ve all heard the cliche ‘Tis better to give than to receive but according to universal law, it is just as important to be open to the gifts given us. It goes all the way back to atoms and molecules and creation! Finally, a law that says it’s ok to act like a fool when you GET something good! I wonder what kind of rule the Universe has about getting stuff you don’t want…

My sister Nanci gave me a pair of Guess Jeans for Christmas last year. My excitement at getting a sexy pair of jeans quickly faded when I realized that I would never be able to wear them.

“Nanci, are you kidding me?”

“Oh, they’ll fit,” she said “You don’t wear jeans tight enough.”

I argued, “But these are not going to pass my knee caps!”

“They stretch,” she said, “once you get ‘em on…”

I took the jeans to the back bedroom, thinking, this is ridiculous, the only thing missing from these jeans and the ones my daughter Kaitlin wore when she was four was the Pocahontas embroidery on the back pocket. It never occurred to me to say to my then four-year-old, “You  know, with a little more length, those would actually look great on me.”

I took off my older, bigger jeans and stepped into the new ones, pulling them as far as I could–to my knees.

“They don’t fit,” I told my sister, returning them to the box.

Nanci pulled the jeans back out and with an indignant huff, told me to follow her, she would make them fit. I followed Nanci to the back room and took my pants off again. “Lie down on the bed,” she ordered, which I did and she began tugging the new jeans up over my legs. “Ok, now suck in your stomach!”

I took a deep breath and after a few pulls and a final yank to the zipper, I was indeed wearing the sexy jeans.

“See! I told you they’d fit,” Nanci said.

“Yeah, about as well as the glass slipper on Cinderella’s big-footed step sister.” All of my weight has shifted to the top half of my body making walking difficult. “They’re kind of tight,” I said, “Maybe I should just try them on again tomorrow morning.” We had after all, just consumed the Christmas feast, so I wasn’t at my optimal weight for trying on children’s clothes.

“No! They’re fine,” Nanci said. “Remember, they’ll stretch. They’re supposed to be tight.”

“I don’t know about that–my butt is now between my shoulder blades. I’m not sure that looks good.”

“No, they do,” Nanci insisted, then told me again that I didn’t wear jeans tight enough. “That’s how they’re supposed to look. Now, let’s go show everybody.”

“What? Go show everybody! I look like a balloon from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!”

So, I modeled the new jeans, and after everyone had a good laugh on my behalf, I told Nanci that I would be exchanging them for something on the adult rack.

The next week I went to the mall and exchanged the jeans for a pair that I could get on while remaining upright…I just hope the Universe is Ok with that.